Sep 24, 2025
We've all been there or know someone who has: that ambiguous, undefined relationship known as the "situationship." It's more than a hookup but less than a committed partnership, and it thrives in a gray area that can leave everyone feeling confused and vulnerable.
I recently had the chance to dive into this topic with reporter, Emma Lee, from Her Campus publication for their article, “Can You Actually Cheat on Your Situationship?"
They asked some brilliant questions about cheating, loyalty, and the unspoken rules that govern these modern relationships.
It got me thinking even more deeply about the emotional complexities involved. So, I'm expanding on those thoughts here to explore the central question: Can you actually cheat in a situationship?
Let's get the technicality out of the way first. By a strict definition, no, you cannot "cheat" if there are no agreed-upon rules to break. Cheating implies a contract—a set of boundaries that have been clearly established and then violated.. A situationship, by its very nature, avoids these definitions.
However, human emotions are not technical. If you know the other person has developed feelings or operates under an assumption of loyalty, hooking up with someone else without a prior conversation can feel exactly like betrayal.
The issue is less about the dictionary definition of "cheating" and more about a fundamental lack of respect. If you want to keep things casual, you have a responsibility to say so. If you sense they’re hoping for more, staying silent while seeing other people is messy, unfair, and frankly, a little selfish.
So why does it hurt so much if you were "technically" free to see other people? Because hope is a sneaky thing.
Even without a “girlfriend/boyfriend” title, our emotions don’t care about technicalities. If you’re acting like a couple—texting daily, being each other's priority, sharing intimacy—your brain starts to assume a commitment exists. You build routines and shared experiences that create a powerful, albeit unspoken, bond.
Furthermore, we often project our own desires onto others. If you’re loyal in a situationship, it’s probably because you deeply crave consistency. That feeling is a major sign that you need to define the relationship before confusion turns into resentment.
The solution to navigating this gray area isn't to assume—it's to communicate. You need to have the awkward conversation you've been avoiding.
If either of you is feeling confused, defensive, or secretive about seeing other people, it's time to talk. Here’s how to start:
“I’ve really liked spending time with you, but I’m not ready for exclusivity. Where’s your head at?”
“Are we on the same page about seeing other people, or should we talk about some boundaries?”
A few key tips for this chat:
Validate their feelings. Start with "I get why this might be confusing..."
Avoid absolutes. Saying "I’ll NEVER want a relationship" is harsh. Try "I’m not there right now," which leaves room for honesty and future growth.
Check in regularly. Situationships evolve quickly. What worked a month ago might not work today.
The bottom line is about accountability. So, is it considered cheating if you're not loyal to your situationship? Technically, no.
But if you're actively hiding other hookups or dodging conversations because you know the truth would hurt them, you're missing the point. That behavior is less about labels and "cheating" and more about avoiding accountability.
Here’s my ultimate litmus test: If you’d feel a pang of guilt saying it out loud ("So, I’ve been seeing someone else..."), that’s your conscience giving you a cue. That guilt is a signal that your actions feel wrong because they might be crossing an unspoken, but very real, emotional boundary. Listen to it. That’s your sign to either finally set clear boundaries or to have the courage to walk away.